Anyway, welcome to my blog, Video Games Rule My Sex Life: Normal is Overrated. Yes, this title is all true from real life. Sad, isn't it? But it's not all sad. I have with me stories to tell, lessons to teach, and wisdom to pass on.
You're probably either someone who already knows me from Livejournal.com, Twitter, or Facebook. If you are, then you don't need to read the introduction/explanation on who I am and how my marvelous relationship with a man named Matt Meeker came to be. But if you aren't, and there's a percentage that you aren't someone who intimately knows me, then please read on past the asterisks.
If you do know me, or you don't care about the exposition, skip ahead until you see the next line of asterisks.
BEGIN SKIP:
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So who am I? I'm Sarah, also known as Soup because of my writing career and my anime/video game convention going. Age: 19, going on 20 in October. Sophomore in college, Psychology major. Goal is to be a relationship therapist. Family is widely extended with various cousins and aunties (mom came from a family of ten); nuclear family includes mother, father, and older brother in the Navy. Things I like are dark chocolate, milk, spaghetti, writing, reading, sleeping, sex, Twitter, Facebook, Kurt Vonnegut, Yaoi, telling people what to do, action figures, Magic the Gathering, blue, porn, anime, and video games. Things I don't like are annoying bitches, perverts who salivate over me at work, old people, my job most of the time, pimples, unsightly body hair, my low self-esteem and negative body image.
I've got neuroses and several dysfunctions that make me who I am. I'm perfectly imperfect, but I'm always striving to grow and change every day in some way.
Now who is this Matt guy and how did we meet? (I'm too lazy to write anything new, so this next part is a copy-paste from another thing I wrote.) Okay, so long story incredibly short, I met this fucking amazing guy at the midnight release at Game Stop for Halo: Reach, one of the most anticipated games of the year. I wasn't getting the game myself. I was there as someone for my then-"boyfriend" to talk to. Which I didn't. Turns out I knew too many other people in the line to stay in one spot the whole time. I was playing Jake's Playstation Portable and running around in the on-line mode, hoping for someone to link up and play me in the Arena. Oh, lookie there! A name showed up, and then a guy! I couldn't figure out how to connect, so I just kept running around in the lobby, minding my own business. Sort of.
Like I said, I knew too many people, so I was talking it up with a bunch of my buddies. One of my buddies I sporadically bump in to, Alex Irra-Idontknowhowtospellhisname, waved me over. We excitedly talked and caught up a little bit, until he noticed that I was The Soup, the person who had been running around the Arena mode of Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep like an idiot the whole time.
Alex notices my screen name and then says, "Oh, you're The Soup? There's this guy, we've been looking for you."
And he brings me over to meet this guy who had been running around in the Arena mode with me the whole while, trying to link up the entire time I was trying to link up with him.
The fucking instant we talked, I was hooked. I was hooked on his alarmingly blue eyes, on his laugh, and how sexy he was. And at the same time, I felt this instant of recognition - a sort of sparking in my chest that told me something was right in the world. The whole time we spent talking, we fiddled around with our games. He asked me everything - where do you live? how old are you? where do you go to school at? where do you work? - he was extremely interested in me, and I'll admit I was flirting with him. I didn't once call Jake my boyfriend. I didn't once mention dating or anything like that.
When Jake called me forty-minutes later, asking me where the hell was I and if I was planning on ever coming back to talk to them, I told him I'd be there when I was done with the game. Lie. I really didn't want to stand over by Jake and a be a silent stick, just standing there staring off into space bored out of my mind. No. I was having too much fun with Matt, and something told me that I needed to keep in contact with him. He asked me who it was I was talking to on the phone. I said, "My buddy's wondering where I'm at. He wants me to come back over there by him because he's bored."
I never once called Jake my boyfriend, like I said. I always referred to him as my buddy.
Even though I told Jake that I'd come over to him after we were done, I played Matt one more time. Smiling and everything, eye contact. I was so smitten with him, and I barely knew him! So, what happens next? Before I go, I'm sure to ask him about his Myspace that he mentioned earlier to me and get it from him. We chat a bit more, and seemingly there's talk of us seeing each other again.
I couldn't have been happier.
I go back over to Jake, who is mad at me for ignoring him for strangers. He's right. Matt was a stranger, but it didn't feel that way. It kinda felt like all the love and adventure I have when I connect with people at anime conventions, something that Jake took away from me. I didn't tell Jake about Matt then.
Jake took his Playstation Portable - or Pornable, or Penis, names that my fellow geeky comrades like to throw about here and there when talking about the handheld game system in question - and played the Arena on Offline mode, ignoring me with his silent treatment and absolute refusal to even fucking engage me in conversation. Fuck him. I was mooney over Matt. Kept stealing glances at him still sitting in his fold-out lawn chair as they waited for the release. I wasn't even getting the game, what the hell was I doing there, I kept thinking, but at the same time I was happy - no, fucking joyous - that I went because I'd met awesome Matt guy.
The game releases, the crowds reformat and I lose Matt sort in the crowd. I wanted to say bye to him before we left, but when he walked past me I wasn't sure what to say so I let him go.
Jake bitched me out in his car after we left. It was one in the morning. He bitched me out for leaving him alone, when I was there to hang out with him and not my stupid nerdy high school friends. He was also mad at me for hugging everybody, all of whom were guys. That's... actually understandable, yeah, but I wasn't going to let him have that win over me, not when I was feeling so awesome.
Nope.
So I let him bitch me out. I let him get angry, and I defended myself against him. I said that I have a lot of friends who are guys, that he should just deal with it. And so on and so on. In truth, I didn't treat Jake as well as I should have.
In truth, though, he didn't treat me so hot either.
It's one twenty something whenever Jake lets me home. At one thirty something, I have fired up my computer against the rules of my house and logged on to my Myspace that I hadn't touched in a long-ass time. I sent Matt Meeker a friends request, I did nothing else except tell him something like, "Hey it's Sarah from Halo: Reach/Kingdom Hearts! You're awesome, let's be friends." I can't fucking remember what I said because it was late at night.
But I did that before I fell asleep, and I dreamed of him. Swear it.
The next morning, I wake up and check Myspace. He accepted my friends request with a "lol i was tired lol" because he likes to spam lol. Seriously, he does.
Regardless, that was September 15th when he added me.
A few days later, I can't stand it and I swallow my chicken ass down and send him a really long message; a message so full of want and love and lust, I can still feel the emotions as I read it even now.
"Thought I'd message you real quick, got a couple of questions: 1.) Does Alex - the dude who brought me over to you guys after discovering I was The Soup- have a Myspace? I can't remember how to spell his last name and it's been forever since he and I talked. We were buddies long ago in middle school and only sporadically bumped into each other during high school; and 2.) Do you have something other than Myspace we can talk on? It's giving me lots of errors, broken links, slow loading times, and general bugs and stuff whenever I was updating my crap ('cause it's been so freakin' long since I was on here, lol).
Like I said, I knew too many people, so I was talking it up with a bunch of my buddies. One of my buddies I sporadically bump in to, Alex Irra-Idontknowhowtospellhisname, waved me over. We excitedly talked and caught up a little bit, until he noticed that I was The Soup, the person who had been running around the Arena mode of Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep like an idiot the whole time.
Alex notices my screen name and then says, "Oh, you're The Soup? There's this guy, we've been looking for you."
And he brings me over to meet this guy who had been running around in the Arena mode with me the whole while, trying to link up the entire time I was trying to link up with him.
The fucking instant we talked, I was hooked. I was hooked on his alarmingly blue eyes, on his laugh, and how sexy he was. And at the same time, I felt this instant of recognition - a sort of sparking in my chest that told me something was right in the world. The whole time we spent talking, we fiddled around with our games. He asked me everything - where do you live? how old are you? where do you go to school at? where do you work? - he was extremely interested in me, and I'll admit I was flirting with him. I didn't once call Jake my boyfriend. I didn't once mention dating or anything like that.
When Jake called me forty-minutes later, asking me where the hell was I and if I was planning on ever coming back to talk to them, I told him I'd be there when I was done with the game. Lie. I really didn't want to stand over by Jake and a be a silent stick, just standing there staring off into space bored out of my mind. No. I was having too much fun with Matt, and something told me that I needed to keep in contact with him. He asked me who it was I was talking to on the phone. I said, "My buddy's wondering where I'm at. He wants me to come back over there by him because he's bored."
I never once called Jake my boyfriend, like I said. I always referred to him as my buddy.
Even though I told Jake that I'd come over to him after we were done, I played Matt one more time. Smiling and everything, eye contact. I was so smitten with him, and I barely knew him! So, what happens next? Before I go, I'm sure to ask him about his Myspace that he mentioned earlier to me and get it from him. We chat a bit more, and seemingly there's talk of us seeing each other again.
I couldn't have been happier.
I go back over to Jake, who is mad at me for ignoring him for strangers. He's right. Matt was a stranger, but it didn't feel that way. It kinda felt like all the love and adventure I have when I connect with people at anime conventions, something that Jake took away from me. I didn't tell Jake about Matt then.
Jake took his Playstation Portable - or Pornable, or Penis, names that my fellow geeky comrades like to throw about here and there when talking about the handheld game system in question - and played the Arena on Offline mode, ignoring me with his silent treatment and absolute refusal to even fucking engage me in conversation. Fuck him. I was mooney over Matt. Kept stealing glances at him still sitting in his fold-out lawn chair as they waited for the release. I wasn't even getting the game, what the hell was I doing there, I kept thinking, but at the same time I was happy - no, fucking joyous - that I went because I'd met awesome Matt guy.
The game releases, the crowds reformat and I lose Matt sort in the crowd. I wanted to say bye to him before we left, but when he walked past me I wasn't sure what to say so I let him go.
Jake bitched me out in his car after we left. It was one in the morning. He bitched me out for leaving him alone, when I was there to hang out with him and not my stupid nerdy high school friends. He was also mad at me for hugging everybody, all of whom were guys. That's... actually understandable, yeah, but I wasn't going to let him have that win over me, not when I was feeling so awesome.
Nope.
So I let him bitch me out. I let him get angry, and I defended myself against him. I said that I have a lot of friends who are guys, that he should just deal with it. And so on and so on. In truth, I didn't treat Jake as well as I should have.
In truth, though, he didn't treat me so hot either.
It's one twenty something whenever Jake lets me home. At one thirty something, I have fired up my computer against the rules of my house and logged on to my Myspace that I hadn't touched in a long-ass time. I sent Matt Meeker a friends request, I did nothing else except tell him something like, "Hey it's Sarah from Halo: Reach/Kingdom Hearts! You're awesome, let's be friends." I can't fucking remember what I said because it was late at night.
But I did that before I fell asleep, and I dreamed of him. Swear it.
The next morning, I wake up and check Myspace. He accepted my friends request with a "lol i was tired lol" because he likes to spam lol. Seriously, he does.
Regardless, that was September 15th when he added me.
A few days later, I can't stand it and I swallow my chicken ass down and send him a really long message; a message so full of want and love and lust, I can still feel the emotions as I read it even now.
"Thought I'd message you real quick, got a couple of questions: 1.) Does Alex - the dude who brought me over to you guys after discovering I was The Soup- have a Myspace? I can't remember how to spell his last name and it's been forever since he and I talked. We were buddies long ago in middle school and only sporadically bumped into each other during high school; and 2.) Do you have something other than Myspace we can talk on? It's giving me lots of errors, broken links, slow loading times, and general bugs and stuff whenever I was updating my crap ('cause it's been so freakin' long since I was on here, lol).
"Got a phone number? Texting? AIM? YIM? Steam Account? Hell, I'd be fine with just regular e-mail. XD Wouldn't mind getting to know you more. You seem really awesome.
Random here: Disregard my comment-back to you. I'm actually level 14 in the Arena now. Big whoop, right? Lol, I'm so lame. But hey! When we hang out again, you can help me get through some of the harder Arena missions, right? Also, I beat Ventus' story and started Terra's, but it's hard for me to play as him because while he's a power-house, he's damn slow. O_o I'm used to my Keyblade weilders having an element of speed to them. It's like the same difference between being a Marth player and then switching to Gannondorf in Smash Bros. Melee/Brawl. Maybe that's just me, idk. Terra's still awesome, though. I do love him as a character.
Random here: Disregard my comment-back to you. I'm actually level 14 in the Arena now. Big whoop, right? Lol, I'm so lame. But hey! When we hang out again, you can help me get through some of the harder Arena missions, right? Also, I beat Ventus' story and started Terra's, but it's hard for me to play as him because while he's a power-house, he's damn slow. O_o I'm used to my Keyblade weilders having an element of speed to them. It's like the same difference between being a Marth player and then switching to Gannondorf in Smash Bros. Melee/Brawl. Maybe that's just me, idk. Terra's still awesome, though. I do love him as a character.
"Have you played Halo: Reach yet? I haven't. I want to, but I'm not gonna be able to until next Friday when I get paid. If you've got Xbox-Live, I'll friend you there.
Anyway, I said I only had a couple of questions and I've already gone past my quota, so I'll just head out. XD"
Yeah, I was nervous as all fuck to send that bitch, too. Seriously.
I stalked Matt's Myspace the entire time I was waiting on a response, too. Yep. I waited over a month for his response. And while I waited, I dug through his profile, scrounging for information on him. I saw that he was in a band, that he liked to draw. Enjoyed RPGs, and he'd written something about the kind of person he was looking for. More on that one later.
I dreamed of him three days in a row and talked about him to anybody he would listen. I met him just that once and I couldn't get him out of my head. One little meeting, and I was completely blown away by him.
Yep, I was hooked. Convinced, seriously convinced, that I'd found my soul mate because of that instant of recognition. I swear it, I swear to it now. He's the One. He thinks I'm the One, and thank god almighty the feeling is mutual.
But there's more to this story, as Captain Blue from Viewtiful Joe says.
And there is.
Yep. (Dang, I say that a lot.)
So, I post a comment on Matt's profile in response to the one he left on mine - the "lol I was tired one" - and send him that geeky, stalkerish message. And I talk about him to everyone who will listen, and I rag on the guy I'm stuck with.
Before I met Matt, there was already a shit ton of problems with me and Jake. For one, I didn't really want to be with him in this first place, and I'd just dated him for two years because I didn't want to be alone and he did do a pretty good job of giving me all the material things that I wanted. Yeah, I was a bit of a user and a gold digger, but just this once in my life. He really did serve a purpose, and once that purpose was fulfilled, it was time to move on.
When I met Matt, it was the first time in my life that I was incredibly sure of how bad I wanted something. As I waited for Matt's response, feeling guilty that I was cheating on Jake emotionally to the point I even deleted the message from my Sent box, I changed my relationship status to Single, posted several status updates that sounded flirty and ridiculously scripted, and I posted a blog that went along perfectly with the whole situation, written on the same day as I wrote the stalker message.
"Sep 18, 2010
'I'm not who I used to be, isn't that grand?
To quote what I wrote in a story the other day, with some creative liberties taken:
'I'm not a push over anymore. Not a doormat, a personal bank, or a punching bag. I'm not your crutch or cane, and I'm not your bitch.
'I'm rapt with action and attention, hungry with ambition, and absolutely blood-thirsty for success. For the first time in my life with absolute certainty, I know what and who I want.
And I'm going to seize the chance and wrestle it down to the ground, claiming it for my own in the name and honor of who and what I aim to be: myself.'"
Like I said, it was like I had a feminist awakening and it was time for me to become the person I was again - Jake had kept me suppressed for far too fucking long.
So time goes by. I go from checking Myspace every day to only once a week. Then not at all, as I've seemingly given up on him and time has gone on, life has moved on, and so forth and so on.
And then, on November 6th, Matt finally sends me a response.
"Nov 6, 2010 RE: Hey you
Matt Meeker says To: The Soup (metalgear_is_goingdown@myspace.com)
lol all i got is a myspace for now. lol my email is {don't think he'd want his e-mail revealed}. my phone number is {not giving his number out on the net} so u can call or text me sometime. i don't really know that one guy. im arena lvl 21 and i've beaten it with all 3 of them. except the arena and the 2 secret bosses. but yea i wouldnt mind hangin out sometime and helpin u out. well ttyl"
I'm sitting at Cici's on my break, my pizza place job of five years, and I'm so excited I write down Matt's number and begin texting him right there.
We flirt for a bit about world domination before I clock back in.
And then the magic really begins the next morning.
At about nine thirteen or so, a text comes in while I'm doing my morning regiment of checking my Twitter and Facebook feeds. I'm doing my morning tweet of heading off to the trolley, and Matt texts me. Kinda early, don't you think? How bad would he have felt if I'd been asleep and he'd woke my ass up?
The next thing I know, MATT'S FUCKING CALLING ME. Holy fucking shit. Somebody pinch me or something because I must be fucking dreaming, right? Hahahaha. So Matt asks me if he can give me a ride to school instead of the trolley. I, of course, say yes! And he drives all the way to 11th street to pick me up.
Needless to say, I'm going fucking bat shit. I'm crazy with pre-date jitters and I'm trying to get my shit together. I'm shaking and exhilarated and the whole time I'm like, "I can't believe this is happening!" And it totally, totally was, man. No joke, no dream. All real, all really happening.
After he picks me up and I'm in his car, the first things I noticed were his blue shoes and that he smokes. I also noticed the way his hair looks not covered up by a beanie, and how his eyes were still that intense blue I remembered. FUCK YES. He was totally chill when he asked me what I wanted to do before I went to class.
I told him I was craving a raspberry mocha latte.
FUCKING DREAM COME FUCKING TRUE.
Oh, yes! Matt asks me if I'm seeing anybody while we're waiting for our drinks at the counter in Starbucks -- was this our first date? Was this a date, I kept thinking, all while feeling a smidge guilty yet completely empowered and on top of the fucking world - and I tell him, "Sort of, not really."
I explain the whole thing with Jake, how I'm in the process of breaking up with him. I tell Matt about the "I'm fat conversation" (the one when Jake calls me up after he got off work at six a.m. in the morning just to ask me if I think he's fat -- which I do, but do you honestly think I'm going to answer that kind of fucking question? Jake was always good at those lead fucking questions - I tell Matt about the whining and womanliness. I tell him about how I'm ignoring his calls and slowly trying to get the message through to him that we're over with.
I say to Matt, "It was over for me emotionally and mentally long ago," which is true, because honestly, if it weren't for the oxytocin chemical that was released when we sometimes fooled around or cuddled, I couldn't have cared less about him. Which is true, I really could have cared less.
This is when I find out, to my joyous and happy surprise, that Matt has been single for a four years. Sounds like I'm his winner winner chicken dinner, right? I've got a real shot at the thing I want.
Sooooo.... we laugh and flirt, and he walks me to class after driving me to the college. He hangs out with me for a bit after we get there, killing time before the professor shows up. Good laughs, intense eye contact, smiling. Real chemistry. All good. Oh yeah.
And then I have to go to class, and poor Matt actually looked SAD for me to go! There was an obvious change in the way he smiled and acted afterwards. Poor dear. I didn't want him to go. I really wanted to skip class and just hang out with him some more.
Before he leaves, I muster up enough courage to give him a hug. I wish I could have hugged him longer, but I was afraid that I might have gone too far.
But seriously the fact that Matt even mentioned the whole "Sooo... are you seeing anybody?" told me that he was interested in me, possibly as much as I was interested in him!
And this awesome short date had me wanting more. I wanted to know him more, know him deeper. Make him mine and keep him there.
I knew I didn't want to be with Jake anymore.
And the cool thing was, Matt wanted to hang out with me more after I got out of class, but Jake taking me to Due Date totally ruined that. Still, we texted and flirted some more. He was totally thinking of me all the goddamn day! Happy face! I lied to him, innocently enough, saying that I was going to see Due Date with Brittany and a bunch of our girly friends, not telling him that I was going with Jake who was my sort-of-not-really-boyfriend who I didn't want and honestly couldn't fucking stand him touching me in any sort of intimate way.
So it goes.
Matt seriously wanted to come over and hang out before I left but I didn't want Matt and Jake crossing paths, so I lied some more. (Of course, I'm thinking of fessing up because I do feel bad for lying, but.....) Matt understood and despite us not chilling out that day, we texted all night long. We talked about our sort of date. We talked about dating and feelings, and it was revealed that we both like-like each other.
Like-like, yeah - sounds like fucking kindergarten, sure, but you have no idea how much of a dream this was like to me. I was on cloud nine, dancing with angels and making friends with saints, while on Earth my mortal body was being fondled by a dude I didn't even want touching me. No joke.
So it goes.
So what happens next? Wellll.... my want to be with Matt, combined with my feminist awakening and my desire to be ride of Jake, push me to the edge. I break it off completely with Jake, he goes batshit wongo crazy, Matt kisses me (I'm fucking addicted to those kisses), and we're in love. Matt said it first, and he said that I was the One long before I did, even though I thought it since we first met.
We both consider it to be a love at first sight kind of thing.
Yeah, like I said, it was like soul recognition, two sparks finding each other.
Yeah, love is the bomb and all that.
Yeah, it's awesome. (End the copy-pasta....)
Been dating for six months now. In the process of moving in together - talk of engagement! :D
Matt's such an amazing guy. Sure he doesn't have a highschool diploma or an awesome high-pay job, but he does take care of me in ways that society's standards probably doesn't fucking consider. He nourishes me emotionally with his cuddles, unsolictied touches, and keeps me satisfied. He's a hardcore gamer, who is very seriously into his Final Fantasy and Metal Gear Solid. Other charactertistics include: picky eater, smoker in the process of quitting, lazy, couch potatoe, extremely helpful, caring, strong, the most creative guy I know, artist, self-trained swordsman, sexy, beautiful soul.
END SKIP.
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Why did I create this blog? My relationship with Matt is my healthiest relationship, in contrast to everything I've ever had to deal with as well as case studies I've gathered from friends, classroom texts, and research. I'm writing this blog not only to help others find happiness in their own relationships, but to write a record of my relationship and reflect on problems, issues, and general things. I also created this as as sort of "Self Therapy" tool to help me laugh at things, such as Matt farting loudly during our First Time.
So there you go, dearies. That's the bare bones of this operation. As I create posts and weave stories, the blanks will be filled in with details. Hopefully you'll get something out of this. Laugh, cry, make fun of me, review me, comment, and in general interact with me. I want feedback!
Readers, tell me: What topics would you like for me to cover next?
Thanks for reading this incredibly sloppy and unprofessional first post! The others should turn out more polished than this.
Until next gaming session and so on,
Sarah the Soup
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