YES! It's been awhile since I've posted and a ton of things have changed, so let's begin with the eldest development and work from there.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but for awhile after Metrocon Matt was working at Cici's Pizza with me again. That was spectacular. We worked five days a week together and we were both getting three-hundred and four-hundred dollar checks. We didn't have much time for other things and on our days-off we spent them sleeping in and relaxing with each other. For awhile, this was the ideal state: Matt's income was sufficient enough, to the point where we went on dates again, he helped cover gas costs, and paid his cellphone bill. I was able to pay off my expenses and have a lot of fun money that eventually got spent on sexy items from our favorite store, CK's Secrets. (Trust me, that'll be a separate Topic....)
Unfortunately, working that hard at a constant rate for me wore me down, and I was extremely bitchy and irritable for a long time afterwards. Matt, ever the gentleman, swears I wasn't being a bitchy and didn't know what I was talking about (1).
Anyway, so Matt frequently told me during this time, when I was stressing so hard our sex life took a dive and I wasn't enjoying myself, assured me and cuddled me and made me feel better. He even talked of our engagement; he did that lots of times before July, but he never hinted at actually getting a ring. Well, with his last paycheck from Cici's (as it unfortunately turned out), he bought me an engagement ring! He also took me to dinner at Olive Garden and proposed on one knee and everything.
It sounds ultimately traditional, right? There are some things that weren't, which is to be expected since Matt and I aren't a "normal" couple, as so many friends and acquaintances like to remind us.
For one, Matt told me when he was getting the ring. I was in Wal-Mart when he bought it, but I didn't see it until he pulled it out after dinner. Two, I saw the box the ring was in; he had it out on the table at Olive Garden and kept peeking at and peeking at it. Once when our waitress was checking on us/bringing us our food, he showed her the ring and asked, "Excuse me, can I get your opinion - do you think this is good?"
The waitress fawned over us. "Awwww, that's so cute! Congratulations, guys! That's so awesome!"
The whole dinner involved us chatting and giggling. We held hands, smiling uncontrollably, and I think this was the happiest we had been together for a while. I think I heard a faint string of Frank Sinatra singing in the background (2).
Eventually, Matt stood up from the table and knelt down in front of me while I was still seated. I had to take off my promise ring (I'd bought them earlier this year as a set from the flea market, one for me, one for Matt). Matt, always the simple guy, didn't prepare any speeches, didn't recite poetry or anything resembling purple prose. All he did was look me dead in the eye, open the box with the ring, and said, "Sarah... will you marry me?"
I, of course, said yes and pounced him with hugs and kisses. He slipped the ring on my finger, and right then, the waitress came back and said, "Oh no! You guys should have waited for me to get back. Darnnit, I missed it."
When she brought us our bill, she included a card that said "Congrats on your engagement!" Matt still keeps that card in his wallet to this day.
Sounds amazing and awesome, right? Well, you'd think people would be happy for us.
A lot of people weren't.
The announcement of our engagement was taken in lots of different ways, mostly negative with tints of positive, and sometimes just some people being out right insensitive about it! My parents didn't like that he proposed without a clear plan of when we were getting married and without a place for us to officially live together. They also didn't like that they bought my ring at Wal-Mart. They seriously hurt my feelings, and even before I told them I didn't tell them until two or three days after Matt proposed.
Some people had mixed reactions, mainly I'm assuming because we haven't been together long and they hold traditional views on the matter. I'm guessing some of them were jealous because they hadn't had a boyfriend in seven years, wary because I had recently come out of an abusive relationship and they perhaps thought Matt was my rebound, and so on. The reasons they object are endless, and in truth, they don't matter.
Besides Matt's family being supportive, there was truly only one other person a 100% on our engagement: the elderly buser at Cici's, Ms. Margret. She was upset that people were being openly negative about our news, especially when it came to the ring itself. "It doesn't matter how much he paid for the ring or where he bought it," she said. "It's about the meaning behind it."
I cried when she said that, and Ms. Margret was so awesome to talk to during that time. My Engagement should have been a happy time, and while it was most of the time, my parents made it hard on me. Turns out, my mom reacted the negative way that she did because she felt Matt was taking me away from her (Ms. Margret talked to mom for me). They were also worried that Matt wouldn't be able to support me and that I would be supporting the both of us throughout our marriage, which is not true.
What happened next, however, didn't help my Engagement go any smoother. The week after our engagement, Matt got into a fight with the owner of Cici's and walked out/got fired.
I once again cried and hurt, and vented and raged. The day it happened, I chased after Matt in the back area behind Cici's where he used to park and we talked. It wasn't a fight, but it was very emotional, and it ended with me expressing my financial fears and Matt taking me in his arms as we leaned up against his sister's white Mustang: "This right here," he said, holding up my hand and indicating the ring -- "This means I'm not giving up. I made commitment, and I'm going to keep it. This right here means I'm in it for the long run, and you don't have to worry - I will get a job, and I will set things right."
That's something a lot of people don't seem to understand about our engagement. We're not dumb-fuck middle schoolers who prance around saying they're engaged after dating for two days and with no ring, only to break up weeks later and repeat the cycle with the next guy, and so on. While we are young, we're not stupid from the modern times: we both agree you only get engaged once, and you only get married once, and once you're married it's forever.
We're going to work out. How do I know this?
*Research has shown that couples who are willing to work things out and have a mind set that they're going to last end up fulfilling a self-prophesy. They are proven to be more open with communication and to resolve issues as they pop up. (3)
*Matt and I genuinely care for each other and show each other this every day. One key to keeping a relationship thriving is to constantly show love and affection by being thoughtful, doing nice things, cuddling, pay compliments, buying each other things, and so on. This can be anything from Matt giving me a foot rub when I ask him to, to me playing a certain video game because Matt wants me to experience it with him, like our time playing Final Fantasy 7. He plays it on the PSP while I play it on the PS3, and he ends up being my living walk-through.
*Matt and I share identical views on fidelity and what counts as cheating, the permanence of marriage, divorce, and that an engagement is serious business that people shouldn't fuck with. We're not fuck-wad highschoolers who give blow jobs to male friends and then say yes to getting married because they "like" another guy. We have clearly defined our terms, even to the point of actually writing out an agreement.
*We hid nothing and share everything. I have his passwords and he has mine, we are always allowed to use the other's phone, we know who we're hanging out with and where we're going, and Matt is the only person to ever read my private journals - not because he asked, but because I WILLINGLY showed him. (4)
*We respect each other's needs, and openly make accommodations so that everyone is happy.
*Our sex life is full of spice. We've had sex in several different locations, in different positions, and we've tried all kinds of things. We're regulars at CK's Secrets, use lots of different kinds of lubes, sexy toys, videos and books. We're always going to try something new, as long as it doesn't involve bringing in a third party or fantasizing about someone else. We're always researching and learning new things, and we're more than willing to spend time learning each other's bodies.
*Along with regular sex, we also share non-sexual touching such as cuddling, nuzzling, holding hands. Touching releases the bonding hormone oxytocin, a hormone that also releases during sex and is responsible for wanting to be closer to someone and having caring feelings for them. Couples who have frequent touching and sex have higher levels of the bonding chemical, and are more able to sustain a foundation under duress. (5)
*We have our me-time. Yes, that's right! I've got my space and he has his, and I feel better for this. I have time to work on my writing, homework, chores, and beauty routine without worrying that he'll barge in and distract me.
*We have postive role models in our parents. Both sets of parents have been married for 20+ years. Matt's dad was 17 when he got married to Matt's mom, and my mother knew she was going to marry my father before she even knew his name. Mom and Dad only dated for six months until they were engaged.
*Matt is supportive of my dreams and hobbies and doesn't stop me from doing them. He also isn't stopping from getting my education. He is not a nasty nay-sayer who ruins my happiness by shoving reality in my face. He reads my writing and inquires about his favorite characters he's gotten to know (he loves Walt Holiday). He doesn't encourage me to skip class, congratulates me when I succeed in school, and helps me with my math homework. In that same aspect, I am supportive of his goals. I ask him to play me certain songs on his guitar or to learn something new, he shows me his drawings and we even draw together, and I've been helping him get his GED. I am not claling out from work or quitting school, and he's got a job interview on Tuesday.
*We have rituals and in-jokes that keep us together and on each other's minds. This will be a separate Topic sometime later. We play Birth by Sleep arena mode when we feel like reliving how we met, or we get Starbucks because of our technical first day and get the same drinks we did the first time. We say things like "Squeak squeak"/"Meow meow", "an alien with huge knockers," "And there it is," "Crab Battle!," "What can it possibly be about blow jobs and golf?" and many more I can't think of. We get sparkling grape juice for special occasions and sometimes regular stay-in dates, and we only watch certain TV shows with each other. Anything that has to do with porn, sex, or love scenes, we wait until the other one's with us to view it (this includes animes like Sekirei and Queen's Blade for the sheer amount of topless women that run rampant in the plot.) We text often, with me sending a bunch in the morning during classes while he's sleeping and us texting while I'm working, texting things like "I love you" and "Iwtbiy"/"Iwyim". We eat Cheetos Cheese Puffs a certain way with each other, and we don't buy them unless we're going to eat them together.
*We have adventures together, even if it's something like going on a road trip with family or checking out a new store or even eating at a new restaurant. For instance, Matt and I have seen two plays together: Spamalot which was in December 2010 and Amadeus, which we saw just yesterday. We've gone to Tampa together, with plans to go again; been to Tallahassee, and two different cities in Alabama. We've been rollerskating, to a water park, a gay bar, karaoke, and a Christmas parade. We try new things and go places, giving us more memories and good times to think about when the going gets tough. Which brings me to my next point...
*We reminisce often. We talk about our good times often. We relive our early days all the time, usually just randomly bringing it up in conversation. We take pictures, write journal entries. I saved the heart-shaped velvet box from the chocolates Matt bought me for Valentine's Day and filled it with random objects that have to do with our time together, such as a Glow-in-The-Dark condom representing the same brand we used the first time we did it, Rubber band pink mermaid bracelets we wore to the gay bar when we went with co-workers in December, vender cards I picked up from Metrocon. I saved all the written pages and poems I've written since meeting him, and I'm working on a picture project that involves taking all the pics of us together and arranging them in some way.
My research has shown me that so far, we're doing what happy and strongly connected couples do. :) Sure, we've got some bad habits that sometimes result in me flinging assumptions or him feeling like I ignore him for my text messages, but for the most part we're perfectly happy.
So the next time people get antsy about our future, I'll show them this list, and that should put them in shock.
In short, being engaged isn't something that should be taken lightly, and Matt and I have the mettle to go the distance.
Until next Topic,
S.
NOTES:
1. Every time I'm exceedingly aware of my mood swings, which are mostly the product of the Implant, Matt denies that I'm being a bitch/unpleasant/mean/moody/nasty. How nice of him.
2. I'm pretty sure I heard him, or if not him somebody similar to him. Either way, it adds to my memory.
3. For more information, read this: http://www.stresscure.com/relation/succeed.html
4. Usually, I don't openly show people my work because I write on very personal and raw subjects that most people would be offended by. Well, turns out Matt found out about my blog here and doesn't mind it at all. I've also found old journals of mine, poems, stories, and so on for him to read and he doesn't judge me for it.
5. For more information, read this: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/29301411/ns/today-relationships/t/common-marriage-problems-solutions/
